


“Take my jacket, it’s cold outside.”

by LaLopez1981



Series: 100 Ways to Say I Love You [12]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: 100 Ways to Say I Love You Writing Challenge, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anxiety, Established Relationship, Insecurity, M/M, Mention of James Rhodes, Mention of Pepper Potts - Freeform, Prompt Fill, Relationship Issues, mention of Natasha Romanov - Freeform, mention of clint barton - Freeform, winteriron, writer’s block
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27115564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaLopez1981/pseuds/LaLopez1981
Summary: Tony flies out to visit his boyfriend of three years, Bucky. But things don’t go quite as either of them expected.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Series: 100 Ways to Say I Love You [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1050311
Comments: 22
Kudos: 51





	“Take my jacket, it’s cold outside.”

Tony watched the lights of New York pass under the small airplane window, for the second time in three days. He wasn’t supposed to be leaving so soon, but the trip out east didn’t go quite the way he’d expected. Ironically, the anxiety that had filled him when he boarded the plane in Los Angeles had eased away now, replaced by a strange sense of emptiness. And a broken heart.

Sitting back in his seat, Tony slid the window cover down and thought back over the last few days, weeks, months. And years.

* * *

Tony Stark met Bucky Barnes nearly three years before, at his twenty-fourth birthday party. He was a friend of a friend of Tony’s. They didn’t take a liking to each other right away; in fact, Tony was downright antagonistic in their first few meetings. But since Bucky’s best friend was dating one of Tony’s friends in the graduate program, there were many times over the next several months that they would have to be social with each other. Years later, neither of them could pinpoint why they didn’t get along at first, and Tony decided to chalk it up to being aggressively attracted to Bucky and unable to do anything about it since he was dating Pepper at the time. Pepper would laugh about it when it was brought up and gladly took the blame.

Less than a month after they met, Bucky was suddenly texting Tony, asking him for help with research for an article or paper he was writing for a class — Tony didn’t remember, but he did remember asking why Bucky didn’t ask Peggy, since she was around him more, dating Steve and all. Bucky’d told him he did and Peggy recommended he talk to Tony because Tony would know more about the subject. Basking in the compliment, Tony agreed to help out, and they spent the next couple of weeks texting back and forth. Even after Bucky turned in the paper, the texts — sarcastic, witty, occasionally flirty — continued.

It was around Halloween later that year, long after he and Pepper decided to just be friends, that Tony and Bucky shared their first kiss. It was such a cheesy happenstance that Tony denied that was the moment their relationship really started. Bucky, on the other hand, used it as the basis of a short story that became his first published piece on a trendy LGBT online newsmagazine. They’d officially started dating at the start of the new year and by the summer, Tony had made a space for himself in Steve and Bucky’s tiny apartment.

Things were good for a long time — much to Tony’s surprise. Pepper had been his first adult relationship; the first in which he didn’t feel the itch to go out and date someone else. The first he really committed himself, too. But it ended when they mutually agreed they worked better as friends. They loved each other, but they weren’t  _ in _ love with each other. Tony knew it was different with Bucky. He knew it was that real can’t-eat-can’t-sleep kind of love that he thought only existed in Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movies. He liked to forget the freak out he had about the whole situation — mostly because while Bucky wasn’t the first guy he’d hooked up with, he was the first he actually dated — but Bucky never let him forget how Tony had gone so hysterical Bucky poured a glass of water over his head to quiet him, and said calmly, “You done? I wanna go to bed.”

That was one of the things Tony loved about Bucky — his ability to bring Tony back to center. Tony was what some people called high strung and he was definitely aware that he was a handful. He preferred to think of himself as passionate and fun, but different strokes. Since his father was of a similar vein, he tended to deal by pushing Tony off on his mother, who was a calming influence, but ultimately encouraged his antics. Pepper was as patient as patient could be, but she had a limit; even Rhodey, his best friend, could manage Tony when he needed it. But it was Bucky who seemed to have the midas touch, bringing him down to a sense of peace he’d rarely felt, if ever, in his life.

And Tony probably loved him a little more for it.

As is usually the case, just as things began to settle, they began to change. And Tony was notorious for struggling with change. They’d been together for nearly two years, had graduated, and moved on to the real world. Bucky’s freelance work was picking up steam and his job with a publishing house was going well enough that he was able to find an apartment, cramped as it was, on his own, after Peggy moved in with Steve. Tony was flourishing at his father’s company, but a well-earned promotion meant moving to California — and leaving Bucky behind.

They decided to keep it long-distance, thinking technology and their good jobs would allow them to talk every day and visit often. Skype dates (and cybersex) became a thing, but the visits were the glue that held them together. But then…life happened. Deadlines, time zones, Bucky’s tendency to withdraw, Tony’s depression and anxiety — everything began to take its toll. And by the time this trip was coming around, Tony wasn’t even sure Bucky wanted him to come, despite Bucky’s constant assurance that he did. Tony knew he was reading too much into Bucky’s texts — he couldn’t know Bucky’s tone and intonation, obviously. But that didn’t stop him from assuming anyway and instigating stupid fights or making himself anxious and on the verge of self-destruction. Or self-sabotage.

Despite all the questions, Tony got on that plane, and the whole flight he imagined their reunion being sweet, their hello kiss would fix all the hurts. When he saw Bucky waiting for him at the airport, all six feet of tall, dark handsomeness, Tony’s heart leapt in his chest and the sinking feeling in his gut dissipated — for a moment. The smile that curved Bucky’s full lips didn’t quite reach his icy blue eyes; the hug and kiss Tony received was warm, but something was…missing.

Tony ignored it, decided it was his exhaustion and hyper anxiety playing games with his mind, and they headed back to Bucky’s apartment. Happy to be in Bucky’s company after six months — and a previously delayed trip — Tony was looking forward to ordering in and catching up with his man. But Bucky had other plans. The first night they met up with Steve and Peggy, who were in the midst of planning their wedding, and stayed out so late, all Tony wanted to do was crash when they got back to Bucky’s place. When he woke up, he was alone in the bed.

Shaking off the anxiety that crept in, Tony got up and got ready for the day. Bucky was there when Tony emerged from the bedroom with freshly baked bagels and hot coffee, and Tony wondered why he felt relieved. They set out to walk around the city Tony missed since he’d moved to California, even though he loved living in Malibu. Revisiting old haunts, window shopping in new stores, and buying silly souvenirs for his friends back home, Tony felt silly for all his doubting and questioning as he watched Bucky tell him a story about work over lunch. He hadn’t been this animated in a long time, Tony thought, smiling more at Bucky’s bright eyes and big smile. Bucky’s hands were never still for a moment between his wild gesturing and tucking the loose strands of his nearly shoulder-length hair flying about his chiseled face. Until his phone rang.

That impending sense of doom Tony thought had been quelled now settled heavily in the pit of his stomach as Bucky picked up his phone and stepped outside the small shop they’d stopped in for sandwiches. That wasn’t something either of them had done before. Tony couldn’t read Bucky’s face like he used to, but Bucky returned soon, and announced plans to meet up with some work friends for dinner. Dread weighed on Tony; not that he didn’t want to meet the people Bucky spoke of all the time. Of course he did. But he wanted more time alone with Bucky. It was his second day in New York and the fact that they hadn’t had sex yet — well, it didn’t quite concern Tony. But it was unusual.

Tony set his apprehension aside, turned on the charm, and acted like nothing was wrong. Dinner went well, for the most part. Bucky’s work friends were interesting and it was nice to put faces to the names. Natasha was nothing like what Tony pictured. The way Bucky had spoken of her, a graphic designer in his department, Tony expected a hipster type with a septum piercing who might talk of being vegan all night. She was neither a hipster nor a vegan, and besides a near shoulder-length shock of wavy red hair, no alternative piercings were visible. While she seemed perfectly nice, Tony couldn’t help but feel unnerved at her direct gaze, as if she could read his thoughts if she tried hard enough. She also looked as if she could probably kick Tony’s ass pretty easily and his assumption was confirmed when somewhere in the discussion the fact that she studied at least three different martial arts was mentioned.

Clint was a bit of a surprise. Bucky talked of him, the resident web designer, as someone who made him laugh a lot, but who Tony met was a rather quiet guy with a pretty intimidating resting bitch face. Eventually, Clint seemed to relax and Tony got a small taste of that humor Bucky mentioned. Dinner went by enjoyably, and Tony agreed to get drinks afterwards at some hot spot that Bucky at the pair — whom Tony strongly suspected were more than friends — apparently frequented. It wasn’t the first place he’d choose to spend an evening, especially since he couldn’t hear anything but the thumping bass in his ears, and his anxiety and nervousness returned.

Tony couldn’t explain why or what exactly made him feel like this. Maybe it was the fact that Bucky spent most of his time talking to Clint and Natasha. Tony was sure none of them meant to exclude him. It was just the kind of thing that happened when you spent a lot of time together and a “new” person joined the group. But it was hard, Tony had to admit, to see Bucky laughing and enjoying himself with his friends more that night than he had the entire time he’d been in New York. He grew quiet after that. He didn’t drink anymore; depressive lows and alcohol weren’t a good mix for Tony. The ride in the taxi back to Bucky’s place was silent — except for the click of typing coming from Bucky’s side of the car and his quiet chuckling. Which only made Tony feel that much more resentful.

When they got back to the apartment, Bucky went straight to bed while Tony decided he wanted to wash off the club. He took a thirty-minute shower, but spent twenty of it letting the water wash away his tears.

* * *

Tony didn’t wake up feeling any better the next day. His anxiety was at an all-time high, but he couldn’t bring himself to sit Bucky down and have a discussion. After another outside-the-room phone call, Bucky said he had to go out for a bit. Something for work. Tony couldn’t tell if it was true or not, but turned down the invitation to tag along. Alone, Tony took the time to call his closest friend. Just to vent, for reassurance, to tell him he was being stupid — all the things a best friend could do. Rhodey instead encouraged him to talk to Bucky, to tell him exactly what he was feeling, and find out where Bucky ‘s feelings were about their relationship. Tony said he’d think about it. Rhodey called him an idiot.

Tony did think; it was all he did until Bucky returned. They discussed options for dinner and Tony expressed his want to stay in that night. Bucky agreed, with a little more hesitation than made Tony comfortable, and said they could pick a place to deliver after he took a shower. He was only in there for fifteen minutes, but Tony spent those fifteen minutes stressing and letting his nerves get the better of him. First he was pacing, then he was sitting in the living room nibbling on his fingernails, and by the time Bucky had shut off the water, he was sitting on the bed near tears.

As soon as Bucky stepped out of the bathroom, Tony let his emotions get the better of him, and blurted out, “Do you want to break up with me?”

Bucky stopped mid-step and stared at him. “What?”

“If you’re gonna do it, just do it. Get it done. I can handle it. Let’s not drag it out.”

“Whoa. Wait. Slow down. Tony. What are you — what are you talking about?”

Tony breathed in shakily, his eyes brimming with tears again. “Us.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed and his hand tightened on the towel knotted at his hip. “Let me get dressed.” He almost muttered the words and moved around the bed, around Tony, to find a shirt, jeans, and a pair of boxer briefs. After he hung his towel back up in the bathroom, Bucky settled at the foot of the bed across from Tony.

Bucky went first, admitting he had felt disconnected, but that he’d hoped with Tony coming to visit, it would help ease his uncertainties. But, he confessed, it hadn’t helped that much. Tony was almost relieved. He’d thought it was just him, but he was afraid to say anything because he didn’t want the relationship to be over. They spoke more about what they were feeling and what they were thinking. They talked for almost three hours.

In the end, they mutually decided that it might be best to end things. Tony didn’t want to grow resentful of Bucky and Bucky wanted to be able to keep Tony in his life, even if it was just as his friend. They cried, they hugged, and Tony made the choice to return home early. He searched for a flight while he packed and booked one for later that night, while Bucky remained in the living room. 

As Tony finished up, making sure he didn’t leave anything behind, he stepped out of the bedroom. Bucky walked in from the balcony and Tony gave him a quasi-stern look.

“I know,” he said holding up his hands. “I swear it’s my last one. Look.” He took the crumpled pack of cigarettes from his pocket and took out the last few sticks remaining, broke them in half and dumped it all into the trash. He’d confessed with the stress of work, and their relationship being in a weird place, he’d taken up smoking again. He promised to quit. “Let me call the Uber to take us to the airport.”

“Don’t.” Tony grinned at Bucky, looking much more at peace than he felt. “I already called for one. For myself.”

Bucky sighed, lowered his head. “Fuck.”

“Babe, you know I hate public goodbyes. They’re attention seeking— even for me. Besides,” Tony moved closer and grabbed a piece of Bucky’s shirt between his fingers, letting his hand linger. “I’d rather not say goodbye to you there, then look like a hot mess. Because I’m  _ such _ a fucking cry baby.”

They both chuckled, but there was a tinge of sadness to it. And they both felt it.

“All right, fine then. Can I get another hug?” Tony dropped his bag and stepped into Bucky’s arms, blinking back the tears that stung his eyes as much as he could. He lingered there, too, taking in a big breath, memorizing the feel of Bucky’s arms and chest and his smell. When Bucky kissed his hair on the side of his head, Tony nearly broke down.

He quickly stepped back and kept from looking at Bucky, bending to grab his bag, and headed to the door.

“Hey, there’s still kind of a chill out there. You got something to wear over that?”

“No. I’ll be okay. I’ll be inside.”

“No, you won’t. Your skin got thinner living out there in California. Here,” Bucky grabbed one of the jackets on the coat rack and offered it to Tony. “Take my jacket, it’s cold outside.”

Tony hesitated because he recognized the black jacket as one of Bucky’s favorites. “Bucky, no…” Ignoring him, Bucky wrapped it around Tony’s shoulders, and forced his arms into the sleeves. Tony could already smell Bucky’s lingering scent on it. Bucky tugged at the lapels, standing close. Their eyes met, and they stared at each other for a moment.

Bucky eyes started to glisten. “I’m sorry, Tones.”

Tony shook his head, dropping his eyes because he never could stand to see Bucky cry. “I’m sure I’ll forgive you — and myself — soon.” Breathing in, shakily, Tony started to leave, but Bucky pulled on his arm and yanked him in for one last kiss. Tony heard himself whimper, or something, ignored the embarrassment that crept in, and kissed Bucky back like it was the last time — because it was. Eventually, one of them broke the kiss, they separated, and Tony stepped out into the hall. “I’ll send it back as soon as I can. If I remember,” he joked.

Bucky shook his head. “Keep it.”

“No. Bucky—”

“Just shut up and keep it.”

Tony curled a hand into the jacket at the chest and let his eyes take in Bucky one more time. “You’re the best decision I ever made.” 

Bucky nodded, his chin trembling ever so slightly. “Me, too.”

Tony smiled, as best as he could, and letting the tears fall silently down his face, he walked away.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the downer post. I came up with this idea for this prompt months ago and wrote the majority of it down then, but I thought it was too sad (mainly because it was inspired by my IRL relationship that ended last year). I tried to come up with something else, but there’s a song that kind of inspired it too. I had the song on repeat the last few days and one night I couldn’t sleep. And this just kind of came out. Hope you enjoyed it anyway.
> 
> Xoxo,  
> La
> 
> P.S. for those interested, the song is “Hurt Me Once” by Ben Platt, off his “Sing to Me Instead” debut album. <3


End file.
